Long ago...

There was someone...

Someone whose presence would fill a room, a smile so soft and warm as a child's very first blanket... Yet energetic, so vibrant... That face, that carefree smile will be engraved in my heart forever. The face of love at first sight. Any barriers I had were thrown to the floor. Crushed, defeated. It was ecstasy... It was three thousand times any sensation I had experienced. It was beyond love or passion. It was total vulnerability...

And I enjoyed it so...

Long conversations we had, about what we would do, where we would go. Plans, words, gestures... All of that I received, making me wonder if my heart would be able to beat stronger than it was beating then. All those signs, all those words... I had an idea, and put it to practice. I gave this person my heart. I had in engraved in gold and wrapped up in satin. I handed it on a silver plate and waited anxiously for the longed reply...

But it never came...

Nights and nights I waited alone at home. Time passed slowly back then, as it does for children. I would brush my teeth ten times, I would comb my hair a thousand others... But time stood still. Songs which would have minutes were played in a second and a second was too many time to delay such an answer. I started to realize that my heart was aching... Like a used band aid...

It had been thrown out...

I cried, yes. I cursed my fate, I ate fast food in front of the TV, feeling miserable, hateful and unwanted. I cursed myself too, for obeying that horrible cliché . I searched and searched, hoping to find that lost feeling somewhere... In anyone... But I didn't. My heart wasn't mine anymore. I resented every little moment of sweetness I had with that someone. Flaming thoughts of revenge crossed my mind, revenge against that mesmerizing beautiful figure of pure charm that I simply couldn't resist... I hated that figure so... I became bitter...

And I became so cold...

Years have passed, and my chest aches no more. It is plain, normal, a chest for living the common everyday life. I no longer wish on everlasting feelings, charming presences or vibrant smiles. I am now mundane.

My heart remains in that waste basket, longing for acceptance...

My heart is no more.


Long ago, there was an angel...

An angel which shined bright in the most unexpected location. I walked into that unknown place one day and there it was, just... Standing there. It was not the most glorious angel. It had not the perfect features, the golden halo nor the majestic wings. yet I know it was an angel. Just... That presence, looking at me. I didn't know what to make of such an apparition...

I was confused...

Did I walk to it or it to me? I do not remember. It was sudden and out of nowhere. Like that earthquake you know is bound to happen, but you never truly expect it... Until it happens. It was a sudden connection. So vivid, so strong and yet as simple as meeting any other person. It was a bond that, from that brief moment on, would be unbreakable. An unstoppable force of nature...

I wanted to believe that so...

The angel soon disappeared, leaving promises of return. I prayed as I had been told to. I followed every rule it gave me religiously, from dawn to dusk. Such strong, naive belief in my soul. Such childish innocence...Then time started slowing down. I kept following the rules blindly, ever tortured by the long tic tacs from that hellish clock. I hated that clock so much... It was only me and that clock...

And no angel to guide my naive soul...

I started having doubts, second thoughts. I searched every book, every tome... There was no such angel. Was I deceived? Was I used? Doubt turned to feint certainties. How would I know I was sure? Was I not faithful enough? Had I not followed correctly every rule? How could I have been abandoned so easily if it was all true? And how could I have been so easily deceived if it was all a lie?

I felt so lonely...

No more the angel visited me, although the memory still lives in me. The soul that used to believe it all is now a haunt, a simple ghost that wanders in my shadow, ever casting away the thought of that painful deceit.

Still, my foolish soul still searches for a last glimpse of that light somewhere far away...

My soul is gone.


Long ago, there was an angel... There was someone...

An angel which shined bright in the most unexpected location. I walked into that unknown place one day and there it was, just... Standing there. It was not the most glorious angel. It had not the perfect features, the golden halo nor the majestic wings. yet I know it was an angel. Just... That presence, looking at me. I didn't know what to make of such an apparition...Someone whose presence would fill a room, a smile so soft and warm as a child's very first blanket... Yet energetic, so vibrant... That face, that carefree smile will be engraved in my heart forever. The face of love at first sight. Any barriers I had were thrown to the floor. Crushed, defeated. It was ecstasy... It was three thousand times any sensation I had experienced. It was beyond love or passion. It was total vulnerability...


I was confused... And I enjoyed it so...

Did I walk to it or it to me? I do not remember. It was sudden and out of nowhere. Like that earthquake you know is bound to happen, but you never truly expect it... Until it happens. It was a sudden connection. So vivid, so strong and yet as simple as meeting any other person. It was a bond that, from that brief moment on, would be unbreakable. An unstoppable force of nature... Long conversations we had, about what we would do, where we would go. Plans, words, gestures... All of that I received, making me wonder if my heart would be able to beat stronger than it was beating then. All those signs, all those words... I had an idea, and put it to practice. I gave this person my heart. I had in engraved in gold and wrapped up in satin. I handed it on a silver plate and waited anxiously for the longed reply...

I wanted to believe that so... But it never came...

The angel soon disappeared, leaving promises of return. I prayed as I had been told to. I followed every rule it gave me religiously, from dawn to dusk. Such strong, naive belief in my soul. Such childish innocence...Then time started slowing down. I kept following the rules blindly, ever tortured by the long tic tacs from that hellish clock. I hated that clock so much... It was only me and that clock... Nights and nights I waited alone at home. Time passed slowly back then, as it does for children. I would brush my teeth ten times, I would comb my hair a thousand others... But time stood still. Songs which would have minutes were played in a second and a second was too many time to delay such an answer. I started to realize that my heart was aching... Like a used band aid...

And no angel to guide my naive soul... It had been thrown out...

I started having doubts, second thoughts. I searched every book, every tome... There was no such angel. Was I deceived? Was I used? Doubt turned to feint certainties. How would I know I was sure? Was I not faithful enough? Had I not followed correctly every rule? How could I have been abandoned so easily if it was all true? And how could I have been so easily deceived if it was all a lie? I cried, yes. I cursed my fate, I ate fast food in front of the TV, feeling miserable, hateful and unwanted. I cursed myself too, for obeying that horrible cliché . I searched and searched, hoping to find that lost feeling somewhere... In anyone... But I didn't. My heart wasn't mine anymore. I resented every little moment of sweetness I had with that someone. Flaming thoughts of revenge crossed my mind, revenge against that mesmerizing beautiful figure of pure charm that I simply couldn't resist... I hated that figure so... I became bitter...

I felt so lonely... And I became so cold...

No more the angel visited me, although the memory still lives in me. The soul that used to believe it all is now a haunt, a simple ghost that wanders in my shadow, ever casting away the thought of that painful deceit. Years have passed, and my chest aches no more. It is plain, normal, a chest for living the common everyday life. I no longer wish on everlasting feelings, charming presences or vibrant smiles. I am now mundane.

Still, my foolish soul still searches for a last glimpse of that light somewhere far away... My heart remains in that waste basket, longing for acceptance...

My soul is gone.
My heart is no more.

Ensaio sobre o ódio

Dilatam-se-me na fronte
Em forte venoso pulsar,
Uma vontade inquietante
Da minha raiva expulsar.

Três sorrateiras vezes o vi
E quieto e calado fiquei,
Mas à conta sagrada ardi,
Ao ver um bobo fazer-se rei!

É que abandonado o corpo
Por sua dita e santa alma,
Usar a face do defunto
Faz qualquer um perder a calma.

Mais que isso há-de ser,
Se me permitem a ousadia,
Nas barbas de todos o fazer
Sem sequer perguntar se podia.

Ora, quem de surpresa apanhado
Dá de caras com tal desrespeito,
Apetece apanhar o culpado
E à facada abrir-lhe o peito.

Ainda mais vontade mo dá
Quando, faça sol ou faça chuva,
à primeira pessoa que passe lá
Esforça uma cara de viúva.

O mais grave de tudo é mentir
Com toda a convicção que tem no corpo
A dizer, só para outros ferir
Que se está a sofrer é pouco.

Pois minha "amizade", só para ti
Toma um pedaço de bom conselho:
Se educadamente para ti alguma vez sorri
Foi porque sou mais que tu, meu fedelho!

Se te evito é porque me conheço e sei
Que se em ti tenho as vistas postas
A minha mais crua e primária vontade´
É de te provocar fracturas expostas.

Mais! Não me fico só por aqui
E digo-te do fundo do peito:
Se os dentes ainda não te fodi
É pelo mais puro e produndo respeito.

Se a tua ignóbil presença
Teve efeitos mais que nefastos,
Neste momento já nem importa
Pois de todos nós fizeste carrascos.

Mas ai de ti meu animal,
Que mais algum dia eu oiça,
Que te apoderas de quem dizias gostar
Como se fosse um bibelot de loiça.

Se do que partiu gostaste
Tanto como andaste a pregar
Então porta-te como gente
E deixa de o tentar mostrar.

Até lá és um asco,
Um parasita social,
Carvão para as criançinhas
Que se portam mal no natal.

Se pensas que és dono do caixão,
Há ainda coisas que tens que aprender:
Não é a TUA perda, é a de todos
Mesmo que não o queiras ver.

Portanto cesso aqui o meu discurso,
Pouco mais me resta dizer
E, sem comprometer a tua integridade,
Permite-me a tua pessoa descrever:

És mal formado, desalojado,
Amostra de pavão, pessoa sem noção,
Egoísta, um chupista,
Aproveitador, manipulador,
Destruidor, ditador,
Invejoso, venenoso,
Mentiroso, odioso,
Asqueroso, impiedoso,
Oleoso, mal-cheiroso,
Curriqueiro, cuscuvilheiro...

Espécie baixa de paneleiro!